I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
