my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize