if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
