Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
