i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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