then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
