Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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