You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
