Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
