I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
