so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
