i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
