took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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