drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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