is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
