at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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