awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
