I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
