i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
