first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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