he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
