He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
