Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
