Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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