I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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