I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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