you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
