I heard we made out
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
