she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Drake has all the answers
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
