Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
