i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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