I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
