Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize