Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
