youre lurking in front of me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
