Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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