ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
