apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
