I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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