Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
