I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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