The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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