idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize