Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize