Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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