so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
