Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
