I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
