you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
