I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So much Jack, so little girl.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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