just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
