the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
