is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
