I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
