i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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