When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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