the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
