I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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