YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
