I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize