Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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