The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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