I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She announced her abortion via fbk
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
