Sponge bath it is.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
