somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
