I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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