K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
