yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
