if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize