I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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