Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
