so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You're like the curious george of whores
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
