but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
