Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize