I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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