Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
