Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
