I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Me. At least after what I've been through.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
