You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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