I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
