My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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