I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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